I, Alpha, lie here a broken man. The ice cream truck has officially cockblocked me. As my girlfriend ran out of my room to buy ice cream, I thought to myself, "Where did I go wrong?"
She came back and hope sparked into me. She then demanded money. My heart sank. She ran out again.
She came back once more. My heart destroyed. She said "fuck the Ice Cream Man". She subsequently tackled me.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Air Horns Should Never Be Sold
Sorry for my long leave of absence. Omega has been yelling at me to blog for months now. I’ve been too busy studying, partying, sexing, and academic probationing.
Recently I went to my little brother’s graduation. He graduated from high school and, well, I’m honestly surprised. After my mother was pulled over in his car and subsequently arrested for trafficking marijuana, I honestly did not think he’d be living. Yeah, you read correctly. My little brother’s drug problem got my mother arrested. But that’s beside the point. Omega and I were sitting there watching the graduation. We both graduated from the same high school, but three years previous. We saw how our future was laid out before us. These children will run this country after us, and I could only think one thing: we’re fucked.
I know, it sounds pretentious of me to say that I’m better than an entire graduating class, but I am stating it here. With more than five valedictorians in this class, I am eager to see many of them turn to binge drinking and drugs in their first year of college. That’s not even the worse part. I was just amazed at the number of air horns in the stadium. What the fuck? Is yelling and cheering because your child graduated really going to make them succeed more? Does that make those many missed baseball games or dance recitals all okay? Does cheering louder and being obnoxious during a ceremony meant to usher them into college really going to make those bruises (physical and emotional) go away? No, fucktards. This isn’t the end of the line. If they only graduate from high school, NEVER cheer them on. You’re supposed to promote them and foster their abilities, no say “yay, you made it this far, I’m super proud of you”. Say something meaningful like, “you better get to college and not fuck up by getting an art degree”. Also, I may have still been in my shell when I graduated from high school, but I could write better speeches than those idiots. Even the faculty had subpar things to say. I just hope I can speak at my graduation so I can say what needs to be said.
Something like this: “I know many of you will be leaving this field today with your family rejoicing. That’s fine. Have your parties and celebrations. Four years of hard work have really paid off. But keep in mind, a successful person does not just do four years of hard work and then hope everything comes easily, they keep working. Many of you will realize that your classes taught you nothing. That’s to be expected. Our school systems suck and need improvement. But don’t look back and say there’s nothing you can do. Fix it. How? Not with what you learned in the classroom, but what you learned from me. From him. From her. From the people you meet on a daily basis. Even a person you met only once. Those are where you will learn problem solving skills and necessary facts. But you will never get that kind of education in a class. You need to live college, not just attend it.”
That’s just part of a speech I just made up. You get the point. Alpha out.
"Nostalgia isn't what it used to be."
- Peter De Vries
Recently I went to my little brother’s graduation. He graduated from high school and, well, I’m honestly surprised. After my mother was pulled over in his car and subsequently arrested for trafficking marijuana, I honestly did not think he’d be living. Yeah, you read correctly. My little brother’s drug problem got my mother arrested. But that’s beside the point. Omega and I were sitting there watching the graduation. We both graduated from the same high school, but three years previous. We saw how our future was laid out before us. These children will run this country after us, and I could only think one thing: we’re fucked.
I know, it sounds pretentious of me to say that I’m better than an entire graduating class, but I am stating it here. With more than five valedictorians in this class, I am eager to see many of them turn to binge drinking and drugs in their first year of college. That’s not even the worse part. I was just amazed at the number of air horns in the stadium. What the fuck? Is yelling and cheering because your child graduated really going to make them succeed more? Does that make those many missed baseball games or dance recitals all okay? Does cheering louder and being obnoxious during a ceremony meant to usher them into college really going to make those bruises (physical and emotional) go away? No, fucktards. This isn’t the end of the line. If they only graduate from high school, NEVER cheer them on. You’re supposed to promote them and foster their abilities, no say “yay, you made it this far, I’m super proud of you”. Say something meaningful like, “you better get to college and not fuck up by getting an art degree”. Also, I may have still been in my shell when I graduated from high school, but I could write better speeches than those idiots. Even the faculty had subpar things to say. I just hope I can speak at my graduation so I can say what needs to be said.
Something like this: “I know many of you will be leaving this field today with your family rejoicing. That’s fine. Have your parties and celebrations. Four years of hard work have really paid off. But keep in mind, a successful person does not just do four years of hard work and then hope everything comes easily, they keep working. Many of you will realize that your classes taught you nothing. That’s to be expected. Our school systems suck and need improvement. But don’t look back and say there’s nothing you can do. Fix it. How? Not with what you learned in the classroom, but what you learned from me. From him. From her. From the people you meet on a daily basis. Even a person you met only once. Those are where you will learn problem solving skills and necessary facts. But you will never get that kind of education in a class. You need to live college, not just attend it.”
That’s just part of a speech I just made up. You get the point. Alpha out.
"Nostalgia isn't what it used to be."
- Peter De Vries
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Omega: Some notes on Sexual Hygiene
I seriously don't understand whether people simply didnt learn how to clean and maintain their own genitalia, or if they are embarrassed to do such in the privacy of their own showers, but this needs to be addressed.
First off, aesthetically, trim/shave at least SOME of one's pubic hair. This goes to both men and women.
To any women who say "I dont like shaving because it makes me feel like a little girl" Thats fine, have your stylistic choice, but one's pubic hair is not at all attractive when it's overgrown into the hip and leg region.
And men as well: For fucks sake, you're probably hairy enough as it is. It's not attractive, or rugged, it's just unkept and gross. Now, Im not saying everyone needs to shave everything off, (though its my personal preference) I understand different people have tastes, but men's pubic hair can really get out of hand, and look ridiculous. My suggestion would be to take small clippers and trim the hair around your pubic area to at least half of its current length. Doing such wont make that big of a difference besides show off more of the actual penis. (Arguably the only attractive thing down there) Also, girls notice those few rogue hairs growing along your shaft men, and its gross and creepy. It's not hard to shave those off, or take the pain like a man and pluck them out with tweezers.
More to the nuts and bolts though, to uncircumsized men: What the fuck? pull that skin back, take some soap and clean that out. DAILY. And dry THOUROUGHLY, everyday. Maybe even twice a day. Middle of the day, taking a leak, roll up some Toilet paper and dab that little guy.
And women: Theres tons of articles an magazines on the subject about a woman's odor down there and how it's "a natural germ-garden" that keeps out infections and such, and that the acidity keeps you from all sorts of problems, but to any sexually active women: just because cum drips out of you does not mean ALL the cum has dripped out of you, and you should be in the shower with a finger perhaps cleaning that out. Im not saying to douche, because that's invasive and I get that, but take a removeable showerhead, and your good hand, and take care of that. A guy who's been sleeping with you regularly will notice that your smell has changed during sex. Thats because the cum from last time changed the bacteria in there from last time and thus produces a different smell.
Anyway. I don't think sex isn't without its primitive charm, and I don't think penis should smell like old spice or a pooglie will smell like a rose bouquet, but we are humans, and the whole "au natural" thing is a bullshit excuse for laziness.
So lets take pride in our bodies, especially the fun sexual parts. They often end up being our best representatives and you're in denial if you don't think people judge you by them.
-Omega out.
"Smeg is dick cheese?" -Bewildered mother on a sex advice Forum.
First off, aesthetically, trim/shave at least SOME of one's pubic hair. This goes to both men and women.
To any women who say "I dont like shaving because it makes me feel like a little girl" Thats fine, have your stylistic choice, but one's pubic hair is not at all attractive when it's overgrown into the hip and leg region.
And men as well: For fucks sake, you're probably hairy enough as it is. It's not attractive, or rugged, it's just unkept and gross. Now, Im not saying everyone needs to shave everything off, (though its my personal preference) I understand different people have tastes, but men's pubic hair can really get out of hand, and look ridiculous. My suggestion would be to take small clippers and trim the hair around your pubic area to at least half of its current length. Doing such wont make that big of a difference besides show off more of the actual penis. (Arguably the only attractive thing down there) Also, girls notice those few rogue hairs growing along your shaft men, and its gross and creepy. It's not hard to shave those off, or take the pain like a man and pluck them out with tweezers.
More to the nuts and bolts though, to uncircumsized men: What the fuck? pull that skin back, take some soap and clean that out. DAILY. And dry THOUROUGHLY, everyday. Maybe even twice a day. Middle of the day, taking a leak, roll up some Toilet paper and dab that little guy.
And women: Theres tons of articles an magazines on the subject about a woman's odor down there and how it's "a natural germ-garden" that keeps out infections and such, and that the acidity keeps you from all sorts of problems, but to any sexually active women: just because cum drips out of you does not mean ALL the cum has dripped out of you, and you should be in the shower with a finger perhaps cleaning that out. Im not saying to douche, because that's invasive and I get that, but take a removeable showerhead, and your good hand, and take care of that. A guy who's been sleeping with you regularly will notice that your smell has changed during sex. Thats because the cum from last time changed the bacteria in there from last time and thus produces a different smell.
Anyway. I don't think sex isn't without its primitive charm, and I don't think penis should smell like old spice or a pooglie will smell like a rose bouquet, but we are humans, and the whole "au natural" thing is a bullshit excuse for laziness.
So lets take pride in our bodies, especially the fun sexual parts. They often end up being our best representatives and you're in denial if you don't think people judge you by them.
-Omega out.
"Smeg is dick cheese?" -Bewildered mother on a sex advice Forum.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
The Omega hurdle.
I'm an olympic athlete that cannot remember to drive to a race.
I'm the black belt that didn't get enough sleep to win a fight.
I'm a genius that cannot stay focused enough to write a coherent thesis.
Theres nothing I can't do academically. I excel conceptually and structurally whenever I remember to attend class. Which is fundamentally the most difficult thing to deal with. It's dreadful, and I'm constantly stumbling through because of what a uniquely retarded habit I have of skipping class. It's a big mis-step though, and what I find most troubling is the constant brain melting mush that passes for education here.
And I've found the root of it: So many people here do not choose their words carefully enough. They rely on apathy/contextual understanding to get their points across when their points are riddled with loosely installed words that don't adequately describe the real point. For example: I'm in a politial science course, and they're discussing the "Jihadism vs The McWorld" And I start refuting the terms. What do they really mean by that? Is the world so black and white that everyone either is the soulless corporate whore under the Mcdonalds whore or the Islamist Terrorist? Well no no, they assure me, but I should understand what they MEAN.
But that's not my job, its their job to define their terms and use adequate terminology to get to an actual discussion. All too often this happens in classes:
Professor: What do you guys think? Is democracy really a fundamental right?
Kid1: I think so, I think everyone should have a right to vote in their governments.
Kid2: But if you have no food in your stomach, what does a vote do for you?
Kid3: I don't really think its a fundamental right, those are to be free or live.
etc. etc. etc.
Professor: *chiming in on another kids blatantly biased, unfounded, retardedly useless opinion* well then blah blah fucking blah I use my phD to cut down an easy, off the cuff idea by someone who hasn't been trained to think logically on their feet.
Looking back, the problem was only compounded in Highschool, since there was never ANY moderator. The educational system is so much more of a "all ideas are good ideas" bullshit place and a Socratic method of "are you SURE you even know anything"?
And I love the Socratic method, but there's nothing more dickish than using it to exemplify everyone's ignorance. Why? Because we all fail the test eventually; we're all ignorant of so much, but at least you can see where and how far some people have thought about their opinions. It cuts down those that have little more than penny for a pound opinions.
Anyway. If anyone ever reads this and takes heed. Don't fret, it's not really people's lack of intelligence, its just a lack of upper guidance. Classes are random assortments of people, and without a certain amount of steering it becomes a mess of gibberish and useless tangential comments during discussion. That's the professor/teacher's fault for maybe not really understanding it themselves.
And that's why I skip class so much. But fuck, it hurts me either way. My soul if I go, my degree if I don't go. Bloody Hell.
I'm the black belt that didn't get enough sleep to win a fight.
I'm a genius that cannot stay focused enough to write a coherent thesis.
Theres nothing I can't do academically. I excel conceptually and structurally whenever I remember to attend class. Which is fundamentally the most difficult thing to deal with. It's dreadful, and I'm constantly stumbling through because of what a uniquely retarded habit I have of skipping class. It's a big mis-step though, and what I find most troubling is the constant brain melting mush that passes for education here.
And I've found the root of it: So many people here do not choose their words carefully enough. They rely on apathy/contextual understanding to get their points across when their points are riddled with loosely installed words that don't adequately describe the real point. For example: I'm in a politial science course, and they're discussing the "Jihadism vs The McWorld" And I start refuting the terms. What do they really mean by that? Is the world so black and white that everyone either is the soulless corporate whore under the Mcdonalds whore or the Islamist Terrorist? Well no no, they assure me, but I should understand what they MEAN.
But that's not my job, its their job to define their terms and use adequate terminology to get to an actual discussion. All too often this happens in classes:
Professor: What do you guys think? Is democracy really a fundamental right?
Kid1: I think so, I think everyone should have a right to vote in their governments.
Kid2: But if you have no food in your stomach, what does a vote do for you?
Kid3: I don't really think its a fundamental right, those are to be free or live.
etc. etc. etc.
Professor: *chiming in on another kids blatantly biased, unfounded, retardedly useless opinion* well then blah blah fucking blah I use my phD to cut down an easy, off the cuff idea by someone who hasn't been trained to think logically on their feet.
Looking back, the problem was only compounded in Highschool, since there was never ANY moderator. The educational system is so much more of a "all ideas are good ideas" bullshit place and a Socratic method of "are you SURE you even know anything"?
And I love the Socratic method, but there's nothing more dickish than using it to exemplify everyone's ignorance. Why? Because we all fail the test eventually; we're all ignorant of so much, but at least you can see where and how far some people have thought about their opinions. It cuts down those that have little more than penny for a pound opinions.
Anyway. If anyone ever reads this and takes heed. Don't fret, it's not really people's lack of intelligence, its just a lack of upper guidance. Classes are random assortments of people, and without a certain amount of steering it becomes a mess of gibberish and useless tangential comments during discussion. That's the professor/teacher's fault for maybe not really understanding it themselves.
And that's why I skip class so much. But fuck, it hurts me either way. My soul if I go, my degree if I don't go. Bloody Hell.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Alpha Alpha Alpha
The title reminds me of a fraternity or sorority, so that's what I'm going to write about. I don't like the idea of fraternities and sororities. I mean, I understand the perks of being in one, but look how retarded you look. You're perpetuating the idea that clicks are okay in college. College is about meeting several different types of people and interacting with different minded people. It is a place to improve your view by sharing your thoughts with different people. It is NOT a place to hide within a circle of like minded fools that will think the same as you. I have nothing against those who start or join a frat or sorority for networking benefits, but those who do it for parties and fun.
But speaking of networking, it shouldn't have to come down to that. We shouldn't have to join frats or sororities for their networking advantages. I mean, we should be able to meet and greet individuals on our own. There are some people that have no social skills, and should suffer because of that.
I have two 4 midterms next week, so I'm making this short and taking a short hiatus. After them, I'll tell you about the paper-on-man rape.
But speaking of networking, it shouldn't have to come down to that. We shouldn't have to join frats or sororities for their networking advantages. I mean, we should be able to meet and greet individuals on our own. There are some people that have no social skills, and should suffer because of that.
I have two 4 midterms next week, so I'm making this short and taking a short hiatus. After them, I'll tell you about the paper-on-man rape.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Ares Rising: Omega Returns
So here we are. Omega gets his vacation finally. Well, sort of vacation. I'm constantly surprised when I speak with people about the faith they have in society. People in my opinion are far too limited to trusting their own personal experience. "Because I've never witnessed crime happening nor have I ever had my personal life endangered, the law must therefore be working, and criminal behavior is for the most part thwarted."
It's total bullshit. You should rest assured, if there appears to be no criminal behavior in your area of experience, its more likely true that the criminals among you are good enough that they've never been caught.
In other news, I am incredibly pleased to be spending time with a wonderful girl. She's like-minded in certain ideas, but came to those conclusions using a completely different logic and its incredibly refreshing. I'm smitten. And thus a grand experiment is about to unfold. Until recently, I had been tweaking my body image to be thinner than my natural average. However, now that I am in "impress female" mode, we'll see what I can do.
Current Height: 5'11 Weight: 140lbs. (this is coming down from my last summer high of 162lbs, when I had been swimming and running regularly.)
My goal is to get up to 150 about, and I have until April 2nd to do it. Fighting fit as they say, and I'll tell you if this modification pleases the women-folk. Besides that, if I hit my target weight, I'll post my exercise regimen, because 10 lbs in 7 days will be an impressive feat for someone of my body shape.
Omega Out. And in. and out. and in again, and out again.
"If the thought of something makes you giggle for longer than 15 seconds, you are to assume that you are not allowed to do it." -Something my mother told me. (It was in Church, guess what I decided to believe.)
It's total bullshit. You should rest assured, if there appears to be no criminal behavior in your area of experience, its more likely true that the criminals among you are good enough that they've never been caught.
In other news, I am incredibly pleased to be spending time with a wonderful girl. She's like-minded in certain ideas, but came to those conclusions using a completely different logic and its incredibly refreshing. I'm smitten. And thus a grand experiment is about to unfold. Until recently, I had been tweaking my body image to be thinner than my natural average. However, now that I am in "impress female" mode, we'll see what I can do.
Current Height: 5'11 Weight: 140lbs. (this is coming down from my last summer high of 162lbs, when I had been swimming and running regularly.)
My goal is to get up to 150 about, and I have until April 2nd to do it. Fighting fit as they say, and I'll tell you if this modification pleases the women-folk. Besides that, if I hit my target weight, I'll post my exercise regimen, because 10 lbs in 7 days will be an impressive feat for someone of my body shape.
Omega Out. And in. and out. and in again, and out again.
"If the thought of something makes you giggle for longer than 15 seconds, you are to assume that you are not allowed to do it." -Something my mother told me. (It was in Church, guess what I decided to believe.)
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